My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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