i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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