I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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