sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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