I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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