anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
