I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
