Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
