I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize