he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
