there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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