My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
