Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
