can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
