I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
