I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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