Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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