I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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