plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
