do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
