Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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