it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
