1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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