Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
