Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize