Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
