pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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