Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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