my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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