Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
