Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
