you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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