uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
