I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
