One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
