doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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