He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
