Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
