fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
