Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
