Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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