I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
