The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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