Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize