I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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