Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
