You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
