yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
