check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girls should come with a carfax report
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
