we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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