Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
