All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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