Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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