Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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