I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's official drugs can't kill me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
