that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
