M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
