Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
