thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Plan B is the new Plan A
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
