Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
