please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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