I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
