My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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